


Spring Depression (it's a thing right?)

by Thatbubblegumbitch



Series: Writing about my problems and whatever but through Jeno so it’s not really me [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, I Don't Even Know, I wrote this in 30 min, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jeno has a good day, Jeno thinks too much, M/M, Nomin can be seen as platonic, So do I oops, Then anxiety comes around, literally no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatbubblegumbitch/pseuds/Thatbubblegumbitch
Summary: Jeno has a relatively good day and then he starts thinking.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Writing about my problems and whatever but through Jeno so it’s not really me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858318
Kudos: 6





	Spring Depression (it's a thing right?)

**Author's Note:**

> Idek what this is and I don't know if it makes any sense, I just wrote it to help myself get through a mental breakdown hahah. So yeah enjoy:)
> 
> Btw this is barely Nomin (I’m sorry) I just tagged it because why not

Jeno hates spring break. It's too short, or maybe it's far too long, he doesn't really know. What he knows is that one week passed without him even leaving the house. He slept through the whole week, desperately trying to catch up on the sleep he lost the past few months but today was slightly different. This morning he took a walk, having to pick up some stuff at his mom's house.

When he got home he decided to go to the gym (curse his perfectionism for calling him out on not working out properly the past week). After a two-hour workout session, he was as well as dead and headed home to rest.

Only just when his head hit his pillow he realized that he hadn't in fact eaten anything yet, so he headed towards the kitchen to find some food. He ended up with a boring chicken salad (yet again curse his perfectionist self for trying so hard to be healthy).

An hour later he was getting a bit hungry but mostly an insane craving for candy. He figured the voice that normally yelled at him that he had to be perfect finally decided to leave him alone for a few seconds, so he took the chance and walked to the small convenience store five minutes away from the apartment complex he's living in. Just 20 minutes later he returned with a snickers and a bag of candy and just 30 minutes after that he had finished all the sweets.

That's about when his dad got home with his younger sister but Jeno couldn't care less. He hadn't been this active in a week and it was starting to affect him by making him tired and annoyed. To try and go back to not hating everything he turned on his tv to play some video games for a while.

"Dinner's ready"

Jeno ate dinner with his family in silence because he was way too tired to make conversation and then returned to his room. The second he entered his room his phone notified him of a text message.

_Face time in 5?_

He had almost forgotten, he texted Jaemin this morning and they decided to talk later that night. Perfect, Jeno thought, since he was in a good mood maybe he could ask Jaemin to come over the next day. After answering Jaemin he waited patiently for seven minutes before Jaemin indeed called him.

_"Hey"_

"Hey, how are you?"

_"Good, you?"_

"Really good, tired but good, I kinda miss you"

_"Kinda?"_

"Nah I really miss you and I thought that maybe we should hang out, like soon"

_"Sure, Thursday?"_

Jeno just flashes a smile though he gets slightly annoyed, Jaemin wants to see him on Thursday, not tomorrow. He tries not to let himself think about it, this is why he is so difficult to deal with, he needs everything to go according to his plan. To his defense, maybe he'll be tired or annoyed on Thursday and then Jaemin surely wouldn't wanna hang out with him. He can't ask Jaemin if tomorrow works because as stupid as it is, he can't stand Jaemin saying that it doesn't work or that he doesn't want to. Then the all too familiar thought enters his brain, maybe Jaemin doesn't want to see him at all. Jeno sure wouldn't want to hang out with himself, not with how he's been lately. Maybe he should just tell-

_"By the way, I was just looking at those job applications we found, did you want help to write yours?"_

Right, the job applications. That's why Jaemin was gonna call in the first place, to make sure they both applied to a summer job. Jeno just smiles again, not really knowing what to say.

_"I've already written mine so I'll share it with you, maybe you could get inspiration or something"_

Jaemin laughs and Jeno takes out his computer to read it or write his own, he doesn't really know. As he starts reading what Jaemin's written the reality of it all hits him. He will need to put himself out there for people to judge and then if he gets the job he'll have to have only good days because he can't take a day off nor can he slack off when he's there. He'll also need to be good at what he's doing or he risks the chance of getting judged or even worse yelled at.

_"Jen, you're not writing, do you need help?"_

"No, I'm good"

_"You sure?"_

"Yeah"

Jeno turns back to his computer to continue staring and just let the overly anxious part of his brain do the thinking. As the minutes pass his anxiety just grows and before he knows it his eyes are glossy.

_"Jeno, how are you doing?"_

"I'm not sure if I'll even apply, I don't think I can"

_"It doesn't really matter what you write you know that right?"_

"I know it's just, it's not that, I don't know, I just don't think I can do this"

_"Have you talked to your parents?"_

"Yeah but they only tell me that I don't need to work this summer"

Jeno turns back to his computer to not have to look at Jaemin. He can't seem to understand why this is such a big deal to him, it's just a summer job. Maybe it's the fact that he can't handle being worse than Jaemin or maybe that he just wants to go back to being normal so, so bad. When he looks back at Jaemin he sees that he's been staring at him with pitiful eyes and Jeno hates it. With eyes still glossy and anger bubbling up in his stomach he tries to form words with a calm voice.

"I'm really tired right now, I'm sorry but I think I'll go to sleep, thanks for sharing your application with me though, I'll read through it tomorrow, good luck applying and I would love to hang out on Thursday but honestly, I don't think I have enough energy, sorry"

_"No it's fine Jeno I hope that reading my application is helpful, goodnight, I hope you sleep well"_

Jeno smiles again before reaching forward to turn off the call and the second he hits the button he lets a sob escape his lips. He falls back on the bed onto his back and lets the tears fall from his eyes. Only a few minutes pass before he can hear his phone notify him that he received a message and it doesn't really take a genius to figure out that it's Jaemin but Jeno doesn't think about that, too busy trying to quiet his cries by putting his hands over his mouth. Though nothing can quiet the voices in his head yelling at him that he fucked up again.


End file.
